Worst Motion Ever!

Many thanks to Rodney Chedister for passing this bizarre case along to me:

The case Washington v. Alaimo, 943 F. Supp 1395 (1996) was filed in the United States District Court for the Southern District of Georgia. It was disposed of on the “merits” (if you can call them that) based on orders which limit pro se plaintiff’s access to the courts to “protect their jurisdiction from conduct which impairs their ability to carry out Article III functions.” (In re Martin-Trigona) The case (as well as the many other cases filed in federal district court by Matthew Washington) undoubtedly produced some of the most hilarious motions and ridiculous circumstances in the modern history of the courts – I say ridiculous because this particular pro se litigant took especial care to file each and every motion properly with the court, making it part of the record AND requiring a judge or magistrate to deal with each motion in turn.

In 1976, Matthew Washington was convicted of killing a police officer in hot pursuit. Washington had in fact been acquitted of another murder charge by reason of insanity. For the murder of the police officer, he was sentenced to life imprisonment, plus 20 years for aggravated assault on two other officers, sentences to run consecutively. However, Mr. Washington continued to get his veteran’s benefits check. With this money, he spent his time filing a multitude of frivolous lawsuits in federal district court against a variety of parties. As the court noted, “It has come to the attention of this court that Plaintiff’s litigation practice is largely, if not entirely, underwritten by the Federal treasury.”

In the case, Washington v. Bobby Whitworth, Washington attempted through something he called an “Extraordinary Motion to Amend” to add the U.S. Secret Service as a party. Then he began filing (all done properly) a variety of motions, including his “Motion to Behoove an Inquisition,” “Motion for Judex Delegatus,” “Motion for the Restoration of Sanity” (can courts do that? Because I might file), “Motion for Deinsitutionalization,” and a “Motion for Publicity.”

In Washinton v. Morris, Mr. Washington sued the judge who presided over his murder trial. In this one case alone, he filed a total of fifty-four pleadings, many to add parties to the suit, including one to add Ted Turner because he had failed in his duty to the freedom of the press. In various cases, Washington filed a plethora of motions ranging from the mundane to the . . . sublime? Well, at least for the purposes of Supreme Dicta. Here are a few (Note: None of these are the worst motion ever. I’m making you wait for that one):

• Motion for Cesset pro Cessus
• Motion for Nunc pro Tunc
• Motion to Impeach Judge Alaimo
• Motion to Renounce Citizenship
• Motion for Psychoanalysis (this one might actually have made some sense, except he wasn't asking for his own analysis, but of the judge he was suing)
• Motion to Exhume the Body of Alex Hodgson
• Motion for Catered Food Services
• Motion for a Skin Change Operation (in which he asked for a sex change operation)
  

But, in the case Matthew Washington v. A.A. Alaimo, (a suit brought against each and every judge in the Southern District), Washington outdid himself. In the category of worst motion ever, the winner is . . .

Motion to Kiss My Ass!!!

The court noted that Washington's Motion to Kiss My Ass was an expression of frustration leveled at Magistrate Judge Smith for refusing to allow him to add as parties to the case one Judge Karpf and one Senator Sam Nunn. The court also noted that the case had been pending for less than a year before the court dismissed with prejudice and already Washington had filed no less than three interlocutory appeals, and had filed three more interlocutory appeals in another case which was less than three months old!!

In the end, as a direct result of Washington filing his Motion to Kiss My Ass, the district court imposed restrictions on Washington that kept him from pro se litigation for his abuse of the judiciary (their words, not mine), without forestalling his participation in any legitimate claim for adjudication. The court concluded "The time has come to take the rattle from the baby and impose some form and discipline upon Plaintiff’s law practice within this and other federal courts."

Motion was denied. With the thanks of the court.